Questions and Doubts ...

I completed a 2 mile jog today followed by some burpees and some hanging windshield washers.  On the burpees I complete a wide pull up each burpee.  I noticed more difficulty doing the wide pull-ups.  On the windshield wipers my butt hanged low ... It probably does each time I do them but for some reason I noticed that today lol ... Anyway I feel like I have lost some of my shape during my recovery from the BBM.  So it was good hitting the gym today.

I have a hard time finding a balance between running and the gym.  When I started running, it was to support my training, work on my stamina and endurance.   Of course the marathon distance was just an idea.  I read that most runners at some point will wonder about the marathon distance ... The challenge of it, whether they can do it ... Join that club.  Not all runners will attempt that distance.  Of those who do,  they find out what kind of a runner they are ... Some will give up ... Many go on to run more ...  

I guess that's where I am at now.  I wondered about that the 26.2 ... I completed a 26.2 ... In the process I found a passion.   In the beginning leading up to committing to a 26.2 I was still spending 3-4 hours at the gym exercising in addition to my weekly mileage throught most of 2011.  It's difficult from a schedule point of view to keep these hours and taxing from a physical point of view as well when you ae also running 30 - 40 miles a week.  Maybe it's because I have greatly reduced my weekly mileage in my taper and recovery ... but I feel fat and lazy.  I miss the energy and excitement that came with training for my first 26.2.

The gym gave me back a little of that excitement today.  it also reminded me that if I choose running I must let go of some of the routine I became used to at the gym over the last 3 years ... There are new routines I can develop now to support my running, such as cross-training my legs more ... or this winter after the Las Vegas RnR I could still attack the P90x program ... I need to accept now that other form of exercise are a mean to an end.  It's "cross-training" not "training".  I discovered I can run ... Now I need to live like I run ...

According to the Hil Higdon's 8-week training schedule I started today there isn't a long run until Sunday 10/15, a 12 miler ... Which is terrible, I wanna hit the road again NOW.  I need to prove to myself I can get back the distance, and better.  I am looking forward to doing longer runs ... I am also anxious about them.  I worry my knee will bother me too much.  Then what?  What if I have to drop out from Las Vegas marathon ... I tried out the "stronger leg" routine after the jog this afternoon to get an idea where I was at.  My legs were shaking which indicate weaknesses in my muscles.  My harmstrings had a tendency to cramp up when I was doing the hamstring exercise.  This was a very revealing session to me.

Yet right now my biggest worry is will I even be able to complete the Las Vegas RnR?  How humiliating would it be if I get scouped up to the finish because I could not finish under the 4 hour 30 min time limit ? ... How much my knee is going to be a factor in my training?  Questions and doubts that just linger in the back of my mind ...